Luigi Bastardo

The umpteenth film incarnation of “The Hands of Orlac” is a botched operation unto itself.

A mind-warping lump of coal that has magically turned into gold.

Never mind her hands – take a look at those perky l’il boobies!

Triumph of the shrill.

Every once in a while, something gets pried out from within cracks of time.

“I don’t think I need a spine. It’s holding me back.” – Satan

A venerable banquet unto itself.

Yes, he’s still alive.

The forgotten disaster flick from the famous animators finally makes its home video debut.

Break out the Schlitz and enjoy.

The “too little, too late” spot on the route.

Think of it as enjoyably brainless entertainment.

The torrid tale of a man who dreams of single-handedly exterminating the world of its excessive amounts of male bovines.

Tonight, on Racial Stereotype Theater.

I wish I had Superman’s powers, just so I could spin the world around backwards and turn back time just long enough to prevent this film from being made.

Who knew Michael Rennie could get down and boogie so well?

A seldom-seen and unsurprisingly not-so-memorable mediocre (but still entertaining) musical.

Glenn Ford and Charles Bronson as buddies? SOLD!

With seventeen children in two cities, it’s clear that Mr. Pennypacker has been packing more than pennies.

Probably the only instance in film to see The Tin Man and Batman ride around in a car together.

Richard Burton, Richard Harris, and Roger Moore blowing the piss out of people. What more could you want?

TV’s Dr. House, Maeby Fünke, and Seth Cohen – together at last.

No, we don’t get to see Uncle Miltie’s legendary penis in this one, either. Get over it already.

Solution: lunar antidepressants.

Come on in: the water’s completely and unapologetically tepid!

The Criterion Collection brings us a wonderful set from a fine French comic you probably never heard of.

Yes, it’s good to be bad. But this is much worse.

Under scrutiny here: Bonjour Tristesse, The Rains of Ranchipur, Beloved Infidel, The Blue Lagoon (1980), Lost Horizon (1973), Experiment in Terror, and Our Man Flint.

Dana Andrews matches wits with Martin Kosleck in Nazi Germany – and it’s fun!

Edgar Allan Poe and Sherman T. Potter: College Roommates.

A movie full of Caucasian Ricans and a hero who looks like frickin’ Matthew Lillard.

“It’s real hard to live for something that you believe in.”

As genius as what might have happened had Douglas Adams taken LSD.

Because displaying a movie in its proper widescreen ratio is passe, right?

Typical run-of-the-mill ’50s War of the Sexes fare, notable only for being Tony Randall’s film debut.

Lesson learned: don’t punch holes in the lid of the bottle for the lightning to breathe.

No, it’s not a documentary about America produced by the Tea Party.

Picaresque neorealism, or artsy-fartsy stuff from a bipolar loon? You decide.

It’s no Sherlock, but it certainly could be worse.

A laughably bad scuba heist drama that never heard the expression “sink or swim.”

Billy Crystal challenges everything in contemporary society – including the patience of his audience.

Under scrutiny here: Cover Girl, Those Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines, High Time, Bye Bye Birdie (1963), The Sound and the Fury, Steel Magnolias, Enemy Mine, and Night of the Living Dead (1990).

A fun, forgotten English film noir.

Under scrutiny here: Bite the Bullet; Demetrius and the Gladiators; Bell, Book and Candle; Désirée; Journey to the Center of the Earth; The Big Heat; As Good as It Gets; and The Wayward Bus.

All this and full frontal nudity, too, guys and gals. Definitely a keeper in my book.

20th Century Fox Home Entertainment brings us this real sleeper of a winner.

Is it weird that I can relate to every single main character in this film? Oh, well!

The Boys from the Dwarf make their long-awaited return with a full six-episode series in glorious High-Definition.

Some things simply will not lay down and suffer a painfully natural death like they should.

Not only is it a contemporary SOV flick, but it’s a found footage flick, to boot. Joy, eh?