Mirror Mirror (2012) Blu-ray Review: Please, Make It Stop!

When I sat down to soil myself in horror over the fetidness only Mirror Mirror could deliver, I had to take a few moments to look back and ask myself “Has Julia Roberts ever truly made even one good movie?” The answer to that was a very stern “No,” of course: even the truly best movies that happen to have featured her had been hampered by her appearance — a fact that begged me to question whether or not she is even a decent actress to begin with. But then — before I could answer that one — I found myself back in reality, faced with two revolting truths: a) I had soiled myself in horror, and b) I was still watching Mirror Mirror.

What’s so bad about it? Well, imagine a comical telling of the classic Grimm Brothers tale, wherein the Evil Queen (in this case, Roberts) attempts to woo the handsome prince (Armie Hammer) in order to keep the dough-a-rollin’ in, since the kingdom she stole from the young Snow White (Lily Collins, daughter of Phil) is nearly bankrupt. Escaping from the palace, Snow meets up with seven dwarves, who have these wacky accordion pants that make them seem extremely tall, and who rob various travelers in the woods. Nathan Lane turns in another over-the-top performance as Roberts’ manservant, and a very embarrassed Sean Bean pops up for a cameo at the end.

Since Snow White is once again popular these days, it seemed only logical someone make a comedy about the tale. Sadly, as we have learned time and time again from filmmakers like Michael Bay and Adam Sandler, it doesn’t matter how earnest your intentions are: it’s whether or not you have a friggin’ clue to begin with. And, in the case of Mirror Mirror, there was not a single clue to be found from anyone involved.

It’s sad, too, really — because you can see a bit of potential throughout Mirror Mirror. Director Tarsem Singh has at least one good eye for visuals, and his use of sets (even outdoors) instead of employing the use of green screen throughout frankly takes the production values of this one up a notch. There’s also a strong possibility that the script here isn’t all that bad to begin with — but the oh-so-cheeky performances from the likes of Julia Roberts, Nathan Lane, Armie Hammer, and just about everybody else involved here ultimately lead you to speculate as to why the deity you believe in simply doesn’t swoop down to put you out of your misery.

Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment gives us Mirror Mirror on Blu-ray and DVD in a transfer that brings out the film’s very lively color scheme, with an accompanying DTS-HD MA 5.1 soundtrack that delivers all of the awful dialogue perfectly. The Blu-ray features several bonus items, including several making-of/promotional featurettes, and a handful of deleted scenes.

Skip it.

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Luigi Bastardo

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