From the Couch Hole: Don’t Need No Credit Card to Ride This Train

Previously on FTCH, Oppenheimer was a problemista who took a liberty chill. Longlegs said love lies bleeding, but our lips are sealed. This week was a return from San Diego (watch for a report on my adventures, later) and return to the realities of my job that are August. I’m dedicating this entry to my beloved, Ellie, who passed at the young age of 11 right before I left for San Diego. She was one of the best nappers of all-time and she gave Caleb the type of love that every adult would want to remember of their childhood pet. This week Deadpool and Wolverine meet the Alien and there is no surrender to the power of love. The chaser encounters mint Oreos while listening to power ballads in the November rain. Remember, at FTCH no one can hear you scream.

Pop Culture Ephemera

• Carl Hiaasen – Skink No Surrender (2014) (Alfred A. Knopf): “My father used to say that you live most of your life inside your own head, so make sure it’s a good space.” – Richard. This is the seventh appearance of our former Florida governor, now recluse, often a fighter for justice, one-eyed hero, Skink. The trajectory of the books has been from more violent, death-filled stories to non-murder mysteries, especially the last two entries of Skinny Dip (2004) and Star Island (2010). This is described as a YA entry (not Hiaasen’s first despite the blurb on the book jacket), and I’m not sure that the previous entry wouldn’t have appealed on the same level despite some drug use and sexual situations. The story revolves around 14-year-old cousins, Richard (our narrator) and Malley. Richard runs across Skink on the beach around the theft of some turtle eggs, conveniently at the same time that his cousin was kidnapped by a strange man she met online. The story has the requisite weird Florida characters that we’ve come to expect (looking at brothers, Nickel and Dime), the plot is simple fun and the Richard and Skink buddy combination works well. This is probably the least complicated read I’ll have this year, and that’s not a bad thing. I love these comfort books.

Buy Skink No Surrender book

• Twilight Zone – “The Chaser” (1960) (S.1 E.31) (CBS): “Love potions are my cheapest item. And they’re over-priced at that.” – Professor Daemon. Roger is desperately in love with Leila, who doesn’t have any interest in him. Roger is given a tip to see Professor Daemon to get a love potion. Of course, what happens when you make a deal with Professor Deamon (demon/devil)? It’s a fun, light story that is adapted from a story in the comic book Tales From The Crypt (EC Comics). It would later be filmed for the HBO series, Tales from the Crypt starring Andrew McCarthy as Roger and Mariel Hemmingway as Leila. The show needed these light, single-joke episodes among the string of more hard, science-fiction episodes. There isn’t much memorable in this episode except for an amazing library room where Roger encounters Professor Daemon.

Buy Back To The Future: Music from the Motion Picture Soundtrack CD

• Huey Lewis & the News – “The Power of Love” (1985) (from Back To The Future: Music from the Motion Picture Soundtrack): “Tougher than diamonds and stronger then steel / You won’t feel nothin’ until you feel.” I love 1985 for so many reasons. It was a pretty magical time in my life, and while I was listening to far less mainstream music at the time, this feels like the perfect soundtrack to a Shawn montage of that summer. There’s that fine line of being 17 and discovering lots of alternative culture in film and music but also having your feet still solidly in the acceptance of being part of the collective. I love Back To The Future (1985) and this song. This should be the Power Pop dictionary entry for 1985. Bonus to the filmmakers for making this song an important plot point in the sequels, even though it’s only featured in the Marty McFly skateboard scene in the original.

• Alien (1979) (Directed by Ridley Scott): “Bring back life form. Priority One. All other priorities rescinded.” – Ash. I can argue that 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) is the actual end of the ’60s and the start of the film era of the ’70s. I can equally argue that Alien (1979) takes the world of Kubrick and his ideas of man’s relationship to technology and outer space and brings them to a logical conclusion, thus ending the decade and launching us into the ’80s. The explosion of the Nostromo is the demolition of that era. What Ridley Scott leaves us with is that in our one moment of relief and normalcy, the evil wasn’t that easy to dispose of. I’ve watched this film probably 20 times. I’m never bored with it. It borders on being a perfect film. The direction, set design, that Jerry Goldsmith score, and Sigourney Weaver’s acting all just fit perfectly together. It’s pure science fiction in a way that none of the sequels have managed to recapture. For Ripley, the alien is just something between her and getting home. There’s no romance in the film, very little humor, no chase scenes, just one character who wants to get rid of what is standing between her and getting home. And as the final credits role, the action films of the next decade are being written with the lessons of this film squarely in their writer’s minds.

• Deadpool & Wolverine (2024) (Directed by Shawn Levy): “Welcome to the MCU. You’re joining at a bit of a low point.” – Deadpool. For as little that happens in the Deadpool 3 film (our only MCU of the year), there’s quite a bit going on. The first directive of the film is to serve as a funeral and welcoming committee for the Marvel characters of the 20th Century Fox Universe. We’ve had this done for the different Spider-Man characters, and Doctor Strange and Loki have worked to line-up some of the other properties. I can only hope this is the end of that painful form of storytelling. The second directive is to see if they can pull together a whole two-hour film with unrelated one-liners and future memes. This film is a pull-quote machine for teens to sit around sharing their favorite one-liners. The third directive seems to be to revive the Buddy Picture. Not in the way of Bad Boys: Ride or Die (2024), but in the old fashioned way of the Bing Crosby and Bob Hope Road To… films. Much like those films, the characters are often at odds with each other, one is trying to save or impress a woman and they turn to the camera and break the Fourth Wall. That’s mixed with an awareness of being in a movie that reminds one of the Looney Tunes shorts like Duck Amuck (1953). The film is entertaining enough and manages to do all of the things it sets out, but still runs out of steam towards the end. Like Deadpool says, this Universe is at a bit of a “low point.”

Best of the Rest

• It’s the end of an era when the calendar turns to October and the brilliant Boomerang channel is no longer. The birth of MeTV Toons fills the gap that Boomerang filled when it took over the mantle of classic toons from Cartoon Network who had taken over as the home of these toons from TBS. Between MeTV Toons and Max, there is more content than you will ever miss, but there was a spirit about Boomerang that spoke more to my GenX generation. Goodbye, old friend.

• Check Greensboro, NC off of the places I would consider moving. The story that starts “9 Foot Snake Removed From Under Car” is more than enough for me to look elsewhere. I’m not calmed to know that the python is likely someone’s pet because that’s offset by the story that claims “it likely got there by attaching to someone’s car.” A hitchhiking python might take all of North Carolina off of my list.

• This might not be the Skink series from the mind of Carl Hiaasen, but they are adapting one of his other titles for a series on AppleTV+. Bad Monkey looks to have all of the elements of his books that I’ve read. It feels a little bit like they are trying to capture a combination of Hiassen’s Florida and the wacky Florida of Elmore Leonard. I’ll be watching.

Sunday Morning Tuneage Flashback

• On the Sunday Morning Tuneage from 2/1/2009, it was Super Bowl Sunday and I was cheering for the Arizona Cardinals because of the Michigan connection with Steve Breaston. I had some turkey chili and Bubble Up ready to roll for the game. My #56 Favorite Film of All-Time was Memento (2000). This Christopher Nolan film is one of the few made in the 21st Century to make my list at the time. As much as I think Guy Pearce does an amazing job as the lead character, this isn’t a Top 100 film any longer. I’m not breaking any news to say it might not even be in the Christopher Nolan Top Five any longer. I was watching Biggest Loser: Couples (NBC) for the first time, and that would start a four- to five-year obsession with the show. Television was starting the usual great February run with Scrubs (ABC), CSI: NY (CBS), and The Office (NBC). Most interesting to me was a very random list that I’m sure I can make even more random in 2024.
  • THE BEST POWER BALLADS OF ALL-TIME (2009)
    • 10. Tesla – “Love Song” (1989): Somewhere out there, Drew P. just came to attention like the voices from Lost (ABC).
    • 9. REO Speedwagon – “Keep on Loving You” (1980)
    • 8. Def Leppard – “Love Bites” (1987)
    • 7. Journey – “Open Arms” (1982): A little more treacle than “Faithfully”.
    • 6. Queensryche – “Silent Lucidity” (1990): Rob P., can I get a “Hell yeah!”?
    • 5. Night Ranger – “Sister Christian” (1983): Thanks to Boogie Nights (1997), this needs no explanation.
    • 4. Motley Crue – “Home Sweet Home” (1985): Journey doesn’t have the market cornered on songs about how hard life is on the road.
    • 3. Marillion – “Kayleigh” (1985): Almost more Pop than Ballad but a nice departure for this Prog Rock group.
    • 2. Guns ‘N’ Roses – “November Rain” (1991): “Nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain.”
    • 1. KISS – “Beth” (1976) : It sounded like nothing else I had heard of theirs at the time. It was a nice short tune. There happened to be a pretty girl in my neighborhood named Beth, so that helped it also. It all just came together.
  • BEST POWER BALLADS OF ALL-TIME (2024)
    • 10. Tesla – “Love Song” (1989): Remember what they tell you, love is “all around you.”
    • 9. Queensryche – “Silent Lucidity” (1990): “It’s a place where you will learn / To face your fears, retrace the years.”
    • 8. Boston – “Amanda” (1986): “I don’t want to waste / My whole night through / To say . . . I’m in love with you.” This is how you let the guitars drive the chorus.
    • 7. Cheap Trick – “The Flame” (1988): It feels like the type of song that younger versions of Cheap Trick would have made fun of from other bands. It brought them to new heights, and it’s a “stick to your brain” song. “You were the first, you’ll be the last.”
    • 6. Def Leppard – “Bringin’ on the Heartbreak” (1981): One of my first exposures to the group and still one of my favorites.
    • 5. Toto – “I Won’t Hold You Back” (1982): “Now you’re gone, I’m really not the same / I guess I held myself to blame.”
    • 4. KISS – “Beth” (1976): This sentimental ballad still works, and I still remember the Beth from the neighborhood.
    • 3. Journey – “Open Arms” (1982): “We sailed on together / We drifted apart / And here you are by my side” I could make a whole list of songs of bands coming home off the road.
    • 2. Motley Crue – “Home Sweet Home” (1985): “Just take this song and you’ll never feel left all alone.” Vince Neil is on his way home after a long tour and you know there is going to be a party.
    • 1. Guns ‘N’ Roses – “November Rain” (1991): This wasn’t the end of the Power Ballad. They would continue in their own way with a little renaissance in the late ’90s. This just was the pinnacle as we can now view it from 33 years removed. It’s got the balance of great Axl lyrics with the absolutely smashing guitar of Slash. It’s so good that Slash gets two solos in the nine-minute version. I’m going to go even further out on this limb and claim that it’s in the running for the most memorable video of the post-“Thriller” world of MTV.
  • There’s that moment when the rock band slows it down and gets real emotional. We all love it; don’t try to deny it. It’s hard not to just stay in the heyday of the Power Ballad in the mid-’80s. I wasn’t just going for cheesy and emotional, but there’s an extra bonus for not leaning on the Power Ballad for more than just a few key moments. Except for the KISS outlier of 1976, this list covers the major eras, of which I haven’t changed my tastes as much as I had guessed. I could easily without a blink of the eye go 50 to 60 deep in this without breaking a sweat and you’d see more from the ’90s and more of those guilty of leaning on the ballad for a hit like Foreigner, REO Speedwagon, Air Supply, and Styx. This is a subject we should discuss over a beer at a dive bar with a good juke box.

1974 in Review

• August – The Incredible Hulk #178 (Marvel): Cover and Interiors by Herbert Trimpe. Written by Gerry Conway. I order no one, Hulk! For my friendship and help, both freely given, must be freely accepted! – Adam Warlock. This is a thinly veiled allegory of the Jesus resurrection story with Adam playing the Biblical role.
• August 1 – Chief of Staff, Alexander Haig shows up on the doorstep of Vice President Gerald Ford on a Thursday and tells him to be prepared to be President by the beginning of next week. An impeachment or resignation seemed imminent.
• August 31 – TV Guide (Aug.31 – Sept.6): Cover art by Charles Santore. Kojak was riding high in 1974. He would later be ranked by TV Guide to be the #18 Most Memorable TV Characters. Evel Knievel was just a week away from his Snake River Canyon jump.

What the Hell Did I Put in My Mouth?

“First time you feel it, it might make you sad
Next time you feel it, it might make you mad
But do be glad, baby, when you’ve found
That’s the power makes the world go ’round” – Huey Lewis

Stay Hard

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