From the Couch Hole: Breathless Drive on a Downtown Street

Previously on FTCH, Superman had one summer dream of root beer float milk in Eddington. There was a double sin at the triangle in Rhodes over lime cucumber chips. This week was catch up and recovery from my San Diego trip last week. It was refreshing to step away from Texas to recharge with good friends and other geeks at the Comic Con. Back to the heat furnace that is Texas in late July and August. This week the Fantastic Four remind us, “If you know how to love me, bring me chili cheese fries potato chips.” The creature from the pit takes the big sleep after drinking dragon fruit Mtn Dew. Remember, at FTCH you’re soaking in it.

Pop Culture Ephemera

Buy Raymond Chandler – The Big Sleep and Other Novels

• Raymond Chandler – The Big Sleep (1939) (Published by Alfred A. Knopf): “He sounded like a man who had slept well and didn’t owe too much money.” A couple years back I went through a Dashiell Hammett phase, especially starring the Continental Op. The first Phillip Marlowe story came out almost a decade after the first Hammett novel. In that time, the Depression is finally starting to come to an end, and the Los Angeles area is getting even seedier. The story starts simply as Marlowe taking a case to investigate a blackmail from a rich older man. We meet the man’s two daughters during Marlowe’s visit, and the plot never makes as much sense from this point forward.
  
  The novel and the film adaptations are notoriously convoluted and hard to follow. I have watched the Bogart 1946 film portrayal enough times that I thought I had a handle on the plot. I figured that reading the book would clear up some of my confusions. It didn’t. This is an incredibly fun book to read for the language. I would suggest to lose yourself in the descriptions and action without worrying about the overall plot. It has the feel of about four to five short stories artificially linked together. This whole scene is a vibe that I didn’t want to end. People drink hard, they swear, they are obsessed with pornography, they have great slang, and in the end, they will all turn on each other. Into that world comes private detective Phillip Marlowe whose only goals are to try to change the world.

Buy Doctor Who – The Creature from the Pit DVD

• Doctor Who – “The Creature from the Pit: Part 4” (1979) (S.17 E.12) (BBC): “I’m sorry for all the unpleasantness, but thank you for the weeds.” – Erato. In what has been an improvement over the past season, this story was a little disappointing. Most of the reason is that it’s almost all back in the studio, and Erato the titular mess in the pit borders on laughable. The plot isn’t terrible. The cruel Lady Adastra has thrown Erato down the pit when he came on a trading mission with his metal for her chlorophyll. She has kept the metal. The companions are K9 and Romana II who don’t have much to do other than provide straight lines for the Doctor. Tom Baker is at some of his most satirical here thanks to some of the script editing from Douglas Adams. It’s hard not to mention that K9’s new voice is jarring at first, and I’m still not used to it. This Part 4 solves the problem with half the episode left. The last part feels completely added on to pad out the episode. In the end, the problem is that a decent story is wasted by bad sets and a clunky script. In this case, being boring is worse than being bad.

Buy Smokie – Changing All the Time

• Smokie – “If You Think You Know How to Love Me” (1975) (from Changing All the Time): “And if you really, really want me stay / You’ve got to lead the way.” I wasn’t aware of this British pop band until into the ’90s. I first heard this song on a compilation album that was titled something along the lines of “FM Rock.” This is one of those songs that wasn’t a hit in the United States, but it sounds so familiar from the first note that I swear I knew it in my youth. This band has nice harmonies and the pop sensibilities of this song makes you wonder why it wasn’t a charting hit. Instead, England gave us the Bay City Rollers at the same time.

• The Big Sleep (1978) (Directed by Michael Winner): “She’d make a jazzy weekend, but she’d be a bit wearing for a steady diet.” – Marlowe. The first Marlowe book by Raymond Chandler is Robert Mitchum’s second shot at the Marlowe character after playing him in Farewell, My Lovely (1975), which was the second Marlowe novel. This adaptation of the story takes the story from Los Angeles of the ’30s and places it in England of the ’70s. It doesn’t work, and it’s hard to overcome. The plot and dialogue are what we think of as Depression-Era Los Angeles. It’s out of place in England. The story is more accessible than it is in the book or any of the other adaptations. The plot moves along at a breakneck pace, but the narration helps keep the viewer focused. Mitchum isn’t terrible, but he lacks the charisma that I imbue in the character when I read the lines. There’s just not the right level of sarcasm there. Candy Clark as the younger daughter is also distracting. She comes across as insane from the start, more than the rebellious, drug-addicted daughter. I can’t put all of my support behind this version. It’s only good if you want to follow the story even better than the novel.

• Fantastic Four: First Steps (2025) (Directed by Matt Shakman): “I’m not sacrificing my son for this planet, but I won’t sacrifice this planet for my son.” – Sue Storm. In trying to be something different in the MCU, this film manages to be at its worst when it tries to be a superhero film. It’s hard not to compare this to Superman (2025). That film had style and some substance. This film is overflowing with style. Unfortunately set design isn’t a substitute for plot. It’s sad to say, but Galactus coming to consume the Earth isn’t a compelling good vs. evil story. The weird thing is that while the story takes place in New York, there isn’t a sense that there is much else in the world. It’s easy to get pulled into the family dynamics, but the story about saving the world is much less engrossing. Even Silver Surfer is wasted as a romantic interest mostly. I didn’t hate the film. I’m not saying it should have taken some darker turns, but the lighter fare was hard to care about. You know it’s a surface story when the most compelling character is the least human of them all. Viva the Thing.

Best of the Rest

• I likely knew this Pat Benatar cover of “If You Think You Know How to Love Me” off of her In the Heat of the Night (1979) before I knew the Smokie original. This was a good fit for Benatar’s gravel voice and driving guitar sound. It doesn’t eclipse the original, but it’s hard not to roll down the windows and play this at some loud volumes.

• Entertainment Weekly (3/28/97): “Best Commercials of All-Time” #11: California Milk Board “Aaron Burr” (1993): “Who shot Alexander Hamilton in that famous duel?” The original “Got Milk” ad was directed by Michael Bay for $300,000. That’s quite a bit of peanut butter. The single joke payoff is a pretty good one that held up to multiple viewings and launched an entertaining campaign. There’s no proof that Bay wanted the room to blow up at the end.

• Normally back on Labor Day Weekend each year, the Monster Cereals are already starting to appear on shelves. This year they’ve teamed up with Jim Henson’s Muppets, and I’m in like never before. I need someone to hold my wallet when the merch starts to hit. This ad is brilliant, and I’m already putting it in my end of year Top Ten Ads.

Sunday Morning Tuneage Flashback

• Sunday Morning Tuneage from 9/13/2009, it was a rainy weekend in Texas. That’s so rare for September that I still remember it today because I had to work the North Texas tailgate in the pouring rain on that Saturday. My Top Ten is worth a second look, as we’ve had some changes in the past 16 years. Although, changing my top pick would make people question my sanity.
  
  My #96 Top TV Show of All-Time was Laverne & Shirley (ABC) (1976-1983). I haven’t rewatched this show as much as Happy Days (ABC). I will likely do a deep-dive into it next year, but I can’t imagine that with all of the shows that have been released since 2009 that this would also make a Top 100. I loved it as part of the Tuesday night block. This show succeeded by having such a strong supporting cast including Lenny and Squiggy and the Big Ragu. They “jumped the shark” with their move to Burbank in Season Six and never got their mojo back again.
  
• BEST FOOTBALL HELMETS OF ALL-TIME (2009)
  • 10. Florida State
  • 9. Grand Rapids Rampage
  • 8. New England Patriots (1980s)
  • 7. San Diego Chargers
  • 6. Detroit Lions (1980s)
  • 5. Chicago Bears
  • 4. Dallas Cowboys
  • 3. Houston Oilers (1980s)
  • 2. Pittsburgh Steelers
  • 1. University of Michigan
    
• BEST FOOTBALL HELMETS OF ALL-TIME (2025)
  • 10. New England Patriots (1982-1989): Pat Patriot, you are missed.
  • 9. Buffalo Bills (1965-1973): When I think of O.J. Simpson running the ball, I picture this generic Buffalo just standing there.
  • 8. Alabama Crimson Tide: I hate the team but respect the helmet. Putting the player number on a plain Crimson helmet is pretty cool.
  • 7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1976-1996): For 20 years they didn’t win much, but they had the white helmet with Bucco Bruce the pirate with a plume and the red facemask. The creamsicle look was hot.
  • 6. San Diego Chargers (1961-1973): These might qualify for the best combination of uniform and helmet. They wore the baby blue uniforms with the white helmet that had the lightning bolt and their number both. Bold statement.
  • 5. Cincinnati Bengals (1981-Present): In 1980 the Bengals had a helmet that looked like your mom had written “Bengals” on it with sharpie before the game. They debuted this Tony the Tiger design and haven’t looked back since.
  • 4. Texas Longhorns (1961-Present): I don’t love the team. Not in the way that I won’t choose a Notre Dame, USC, or Ohio State helmet, but I still don’t love them. I do like the iconic Longhorn helmet. It’s gotten smaller since the ’60s, but it’s instantly recognizable.
  • 3. Dallas Cowboys (1977-Present): Love them or hate them, the blue star is undeniably cool. I have liked the helmet far longer than I’ve liked the team.
  • 2. Pittsburgh Steelers (1963-Present): A logo that was a corporate logo before becoming the image of a franchise. The primary colors of the stars on the helmet have a red and blue that don’t have anything to do with the team colors. The blank side was always cool to me growing up. The winning tradition hasn’t hurt either.
  • 1. Michigan Wolverines (1938-Present): What more do I need to say about the Winged Helmet. It’s instantly recognizable. I believe it was near the top of recognizable sport logos around the world. As the world improves, they have become shinier and more metallic looking, but still as beautiful as there is in the football helmet world.

Buy NFL Coloring Book

1975 in Review

• August – Fantastic Four #161 (Marvel): “Even Reed Richards can’t muck around with the Human Torch!” – Johnny Storm. Cover by Rich Buckler. Written by Roy Thomas. Art by Rich Buckler. Reed is losing his stretching powers, which would go on for years before being completely restored. There are multiple Earths going on. The Torch fights in another one, angry about Reed selling the Fantastic Four to another company. These were some weird stories. Best example of the weirdness is Nelson Rockefeller being President.
• August 3 – The Louisiana Superdome opens in New Orleans.
• August 2-8 – TV Guide: Art by Richard Amsel. The Mike Douglas Show aired in syndication out of Philadelphia. The show had been going strong in daytime television since 1961. In 1975, it was a fixture on the air. So much so, that it’s surprising it was enough of a blip to get a TV Guide cover. It would continue to air until 1981.

What the Hell Did I Put in My Mouth?

“Now you may think you can walk on the wild, wild side with me
But there’s a lot I can learn and a lot that I’ve yet to see
You know you’ve got my life lying in your hands
It’s up to you to make me understand” – Smokie