Valley of the Cycle Sluts DVD Review: Sluts Rule!

The Cycle Sluts are back, and boy are they pissed. In Valley of the Cycle Sluts (1992) we find seven members of the women’s biker gang The Sisters of Mercy bent on revenge against crooked undercover officer Wade Olson (Jason Williams). Before he was fired, Olson had taken out each of the ladies’ men, one by one to get to a big pile of loot. The gals lure him to Death Valley to spring their trap. This being a gang of Cycle Sluts however, it will not be a simple execution. The honor of shooting him will go to the first Sister to make him hard.

Out in the desert, the women have tied Olson’s arms and legs to stakes in the ground. Each takes their turn on him, while recounting what he did to their boyfriend. A whole lotta T & A here, folks, which we see from a distance through the binoculars of grizzled old desert rat Zeke (Barne Wms. Subkoski). These flashback plus bump-and-grind scenes make up about two-thirds of the movie, which is probably not a surprise.

None of this works in turning on Olson of course, so the Sisters regroup to come up with a new idea. They draw straws to pick the shooter, but when they return, Olson is gone. He managed to pull himself free from the stakes and has taken off. The hunters have become the hunted and it is bad news for the women. Bad news for all but Lisa (Amerika) that is, who has a thing for Olson. Lisa helps Olson round up her former Sisters, taking their guns, car, and all that money with them as they ride off into the sunset.

In an appropriately weird ending, the remaining six girls are stuck in Death Valley with nothing but their scanty stripper’s outfits. They walk along for a while and suddenly hallucinate an oasis in the sand. At this point, old Zeke rolls up and joins them as they pour “water” on each other. Valley of the Cycle Sluts ends with the old coot getting sand dumped all over him by six beautiful half-nekkid chicks. That shit-eating grin on his face says it all: he has died and gone to heaven.

Valley of the Cycle Sluts is pretty much everything one would expect it to be basically. My guess is it went straight to VHS back in the day, and now for the first time ever, it is available on DVD.

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Greg Barbrick

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