Someday, when we reach that climactic moment in history wherein we hold “comedian” like Larry the Cable Guy responsible for their crimes against humanity (i.e. the amputation of an entire nation’s collective moral and intelligence quotient), they can sit before a jury of open-minded individuals who aren’t amused by homophobic and racial slurs and try to justify making stupid, unwanted, direct-to-videos movies like Tooth Fairy 2. Yes, folks, Larry the Cable Guy — a guy whose racist redneck humor has been tarnishing the overall American image for far too long — has been cast in yet another kiddie film: an act of defiance on the part of ne’er-do-well moviemakers.
Now, while anyone with a brain might have to stop and wonder exactly why studios would want to cast a fat bigot in a family film (I’m sure Rush Limbaugh would make a great star for children’s films, too), the even bigger question at hand here is: “Who was the putz that said ‘Oh, yeah, a sequel to Tooth Fairy! That’s a great idea!’” Well, while the film’s main backers (both of whom are producer pals of Larry the Cable Guy) undoubtedly should take a lot of the blame, I can’t help but feel slightly unforgiving towards Walden Media for co-financing this piece of trash.
If you somehow found yourself being suckered in to watch the first Tooth Fairy film with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (yeah, they went from The Rock to Larry the Cable Guy — ouch), you know the premise. In case you were spared from that ordeal, the story here finds a total redneck loser (guess who?) being forced to work as a Tooth Fairy temp when he makes one poor kid stop believing in said imp. The timing couldn’t be any worse, naturally: Larry is trying to win back his ex-girlfriend’s affection, after losing the seemingly-bright lass to a shady auto-dealer-cum-politician in Florida.
And so, Larry has to prance about in a pink leotard with wings (an emetic eyesore if there ever was one) until he collects enough teeth from child actors who are in dire need of new agents, all the while trying to rekindle his romance (ew) with his lost love (double ew). Fortunately for all, Larry’s traditional debasing trademark humor is not present here, though we do get to see him farting fairy dust and quipping one lame joke after another in this awful family film that I would be ashamed to show to my children — as you should be with yours.
In order to duly pour enough salt on this gaping direct-to-video wound, Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment tags on several special features with the movie — each one more painful than the last.
In short: Tooth Fairy 2 is dumbfounding in its dumbness. Avoid it like you would any other Larry the Cable Guy film.
