Jane Clark’s Crazy Bitches describes itself as a “horror comedy sex romp.” It’s definitely at least two of those things. We kick off with a group of former sorority sisters and their gay best friend (Andy Gala) reuniting for a weekend in a cabin off the beaten path. Each of the characters represents an obvious stereotype common to the genre, be it the good girl (Liz McGeever), the innocent virgin (Samantha Colburn), the athletic dyke (Cathy DeBuono), the fashionista (Guinevere Turner), the bombshell slut (Candis Cayne), the homely nerd (Mary Jane Wells), the quiet voice of reason (Nayo Wallace), or the recently troubled but seemingly normal, well adjusted girl (Victoria Profeta). It’s all about girl time and rehashing the past. That is, until they start dropping like flies, each felled by something they take great pride in, whether it be their perfect skin, fabulous hair, obsession with high-heel shoes, jewelry, or a specific beverage of choice. Could it be one of the creepy redneck ranch hands (Blake Berris or John W. McLaughlin) who tend the cabin, or someone within the group seeking revenge?
The flick is another swing at the “look how well I can mock horror movies” formula last attempted by Cabin in the Woods. I could see what each of these movies was trying to do, but felt both were lacking that special ironic, laugh-out-loud touch that Club Dread, Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, or even Army of Darkness had. However, it thankfully doesn’t tread anywhere near awkwardly bad comedic attempts like the lamentably overdone Scary Movie franchise.
Crazy Bitches has a smart cast of pretty little prey, each with a reasonably tragic and well conceived backstory. One has been unemployed and struggling to make ends meet for eight months. Another had cancer and dealt with chemo treatments in the not too distant past. Someone else was date-raped when she was 14 and has kept it a secret her entire life. Yet another was tormented growing up gay and Indian in a post-9/11 America. And yet another is struggling to keep her family together after her husband cheated on her with her sister. I felt bad for most of these girls, and when they start getting axed (literally), it didn’t seem right. As things play out, you find out there’s something else several of them have in common besides going to the same college, a detail that provides motivation for the murders. Per horror movie convention, there’s a legend about murders having happened in that cabin in the past, but it would have worked without having to fit that into the larger story.
I almost would’ve preferred if the satirical nuances were left out. Each of the girls has a very specific relationship with each other girl, and Clark put some good attention to detail into fleshing out those stories and interactions. The crafted characters combined with everyone trying to sex up just about everyone else, then the vanity murders thrown in, it’s like an episode of Lena Dunham’s Girls rewritten by a couple of dudebros, and I mean that in the best way possible. The deaths are somewhat creative, and though I wasn’t convinced the story tied every possible loose end, it’s reasonably satisfying by the time the credits roll. However, the shift from the legendary vanity killer to the alternate “real” motivator takes some of the wind out of what’d happened up to that point. It starts out a little more Urban Legend and ends up a sort of lesser Basic Instinct or Fatal Attraction.
If you loved Cabin in the Woods and you’re the slightest bit interested in mildly cheesy sexy horror with some actual character amongst the gorgeous damsels in distress, check out Crazy Bitches — it’s worth your 100 minutes. If you’re seeking gut-busting humor and over the top gore, maybe go with Club Dread or Tucker and Dale instead.
And Ms. Clark, if the “community theater in New Jersey” comment was a poke at Guinevere Turner’s work with Kevin Smith (Chasing Amy and Dogma), it was not lost on me. I got a good chuckle out of it.
