Written by The Vern
All of us deal with the notion of death in different ways. When someone close to us dies, we begin thinking about our own lives and what we can do to better ourselves. When my friend Mike died from an unexpected heart attack, I was devastated. It was at that moment our carefree, fun-loving partying days were over and our adulthood was starting. I know this is a thing that is suppose to happen when we get older. Yet, this is something I wanted to experience more in my late 40s rather than my mid 30’s. As much as I was fearful about going to the wake and coming face to face with my own demise, I still wasn’t as much of an asshole as the main character in this feature.
Scott (Jon Wienberg) finds what he thinks is a lump on his testicles the same day of his best friend’s funeral. Believing that he is going to die soon, he chooses not to go. This neurotic man wants to honor his friend’s memory by making himself a better person. Instead of seeing a doctor like any normal person would do, he decides to spend the day making up for past mistakes and do things he’s been too scared to do before. He starts off the day by apologizing to his ex finance (Rahnuma Panthaky) for ditching the wedding. He thinks by rekindling that romance and having a child. It would make his life have more meaning.
After he tries to force himself on her, Scott spends the day visiting random people and getting advice about how to handle the situation. His neighbor (Tyler Labine) tells him that there is a great whore in Thailand that will help release the cancer. This of course is told while the guy is holding our main character’s nutsack in his hands. He tries to have a moment with a waitress (Sarah Adina) he’s had a crush on but it backfires. He tries going to a hospice and talk with a random person with cancer before he is rightfully thrown out. Later at a park, he meets up with a couple (Jed Ress and Kristin Cary) who bring him back to their place for a threeway. One of them confirms there may be something in his testicles and suggest he go see a doctor. Freaking out, Scott runs back to the same waitress to tell her how he feels and that he may have cancer. This turns out to be this girl’s major fetish because she has sex with him right away. It was at this moment I wanted to leave the theater.
For a movie that deals with an important topic like testicular cancer, Funeral Day comes across more like a sex comedy than the dramedy that it wants to be. The character of Scott really got on my bad side with his neurotic behavior. The only persona like this that I can tolerate in movies are ones from Woody Allen. A lot of the things that happen to the characters in his films are a bit far-fetched at times, but they are still earned.
Scott never did anything to win the girl at the end. You may claim that he was being honest for the first time and that she finally saw him for being the brave person that he always was. I just think that he wanted to have sex with the waitress, the same thing he tried to have with his ex fiance. He wanted to block any feelings of death with that of an orgasm. That would be fine if the movie was honest enough to admit that is what this character wants, but it doesn’t. If I actually saw a legitimate conversation between our cancer guy and the waitress, I would have been fine with them hooking up. The way it’s portrayed in this movie, their relationship feels forced. If I told a women that I had feelings for her and may also be dying, I’m sure I could get her to come out and have coffee with me. During our conversations, we could get to know each other better and then maybe a one-night stand. But to have this woman all of a sudden agree to have sex with him was just ridiculous.
The actors in this are good and I don’t take anything away from their performances or their scenes. The moment with the couple and with Scott’s neighbor were funny and brought in some nice comedic moments. I do admire that it brought to light the importance to have guys get themselves checked for testicular cancer and to not run away because that is going to cause more problems if you do. The only lesson I learned from watching this movie was that if I run away from my problems, I too will get laid.
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