In which Kim and Shawn look forward to Preacher.
Kim: Yes, yes, yes. I tuned in for another week of this show. I don’t know why I’m still doing it. Notice it took a lot longer this time around to get my opinions down on paper (so to speak). Oh well, here goes nothing.
This time-jumping shit has got to go. It was fairly ridiculous to start with the future, move to the past, then to present with a parallel story, to more past and Strand is gay (I told you) or at least pretending to be. I think I said, “What the fuck?” more times than I ever have in any given show.
The most exciting part of this episode was the boarding by the radio gang, but even that was really poorly done. Here’s the thing. There is a dying boy and a healthy woman in a raft the week prior. You cut them loose and Madison is, seemingly, okay with this choice in the long run. But you get a couple guys and a pregnant chick near you and you’re welcoming them with open arms? I’m sorry, you deserved to kiss that countertop.
Guys, how many of you were there on the boat when the douchebags jumped up? Emo had a gun. Daniel had a gun. You mean to tell me that none of you can move when someone on the other side pulls out a gun? I move pretty quickly when a guy surprises me by whipping out his piece, so I’m pretty sure you could have as well.
So, Strand bails and gets shot at for his effort. Alicia is trying to use her feminine wiles to get her radio love to come to her side. Travis is trying to hotwire a boat because the guy doesn’t believe that the captain (who he thinks he shot out in the ocean) has the keys. Madison wants to trade pregnancy stories, which is supposed to be distracting that girl while Daniel attempts to break free of the ties that bind him, while Nick is….you know what? Never mind. This is too much. It’s all too much and none of it is remotely plausible. Even less plausible is the fact that I’ve learned everyone’s name, but I was able to overcome that hurdle.
Here’s the thing. I don’t have much more to say about this episode, because I don’t like this show. I tune in to try and find one redeeming quality and I really can’t. There still isn’t anyone on this show I’m picturing naked. There’s no one I think I’d like to have on my team during the Apocalypse. There isn’t even anyone I wouldn’t kill just to get them to shut up.
I’ve decided it’s not that I don’t like the story. I think it’s poorly cast, with the exception of Daniel and Strand. Overall, it’s the writing and the dialogue and, yes, the acting. Now, perhaps with some better lines the actors would do a much better job, but the bottom line is that this entire show falls flat.
There is one bright spot - there are only three episodes left before it takes a mid-season break. It should end right around the time Preacher begins, and that show I’m really looking forward to, as I already have someone on that show to imagine dirty sex with. Dominic Cooper is to die for. Derek Wilson ain’t all that bad either. Also, Joseph Gilgun. This might just make up for everything. Only time will tell.
Shawn: It was the best episode of the season only because I got to shake my head along with someone else who was just as "what the fuck?" as me. So I'm just going to repeat all the stuff you said and by putting numbers next to them they'll hopefully sound different but not nearly as funny.
1.) WHEN THE HECK. Pacing. Pacing. Pacing. I'm that broken record from The Walking Dead reviews that whined about pacing. I don't know why we are slowing down all of a sudden. The episodes are taking less and less time in "real time" and then we spend time flashing forward and backwards. This is what I wanted in the first season. I wanted to spend more time watching the society devolve. I wanted to extended those moments in the first few episodes into six or eight shows. Instead, we rushed to the end of the first season where we went from the first infection to the bombing of Los Angeles. So I got used to a certain pace of storytelling. Then we get to the past couple episodes and I have no idea. How long passed between Emo Bowie conversations and the storming of the boat? How long have they been "at sea"? Maybe a week? The time-jumping is problematic, but I was too busy wondering if we were watching the show in real time now.
2.) STRAND CURIOUS. You told us he was gay, Kim. But are you sure? Could this be the deepest con ever? I actually think you're right but I also can see an option that they back out of it as part of a way to get close to Mr. Abigail and his sweet boat. There was a bit of treating us like we're simpletons though. That bar scene was pure seduction. Show us 20 more seconds and you don't need to show the kiss. I like that there's a gay couple on the show and that he's one of the few competent ones but you don't need the kiss to "prove" he's gay. The interactions showed us everything we needed to know. Trust your viewers.
3.) THERE'S A KEY? Is it just me or were you like - it takes a key to start this huge boat? So when I'm flying on a Southwest Airlines flight, does the Captain fumble around in his pockets for the key to the plane and it's on a free Monster Energy keychain he got at the Craft Beer and Brats Festival on Main Street last weekend? I figured we've reached a point where you don't need a key to start the boat. Or is there some way to hold down CTL-ALT-S and the engines roar to life? Wait. Or was there a way and Travis stalled for time by futzing with the wires? It seemed very 1970s, let me get under here and hot wire this car-style.
4.) DON'T BE A NICK. I have no idea what to do with this boy. In a few months of real time has he really gone from being addicted to drugs and stealing morphine to running Bourne Identity-style missions into the heart of Zombieland. Listen, Druggy Depp (stealing your line, K), I need you to swim an impossible distance to get to this weird Tent City Jamboree left over from last year's Burning Man, make sure you attract the attention of one and only one walker, kill him quietly, and cover yourself in his blood. Druggy Depp says no problem - that's it? And then Strand laughs and replies Son, then you make your way through the suburbs to find my boy, Luis. And then I need you two to Uber to a secret location. I want to like Nick. I want to like anybody here. I am like you - I think that a majority of the characters are miscast. Nick just hasn't had a logical journey to this point. But he's certainly less annoying than Alicia. So he's got that going for him.
Just remember. A few more weeks until we're writing Preacher!